One of the basic human requirements is the need to dwell, and one of the central human acts is the act of inhabiting, of connecting ourselves, however temporarily, with a place on the planet which belongs to us and to which we belong.
I took advantage of being at the seaside to lay in a store of
sucking-stones. They were pebbles but I call them stones. Yes, on
this occasion I laid in a considerable store. I distributed them
equally between my four pockets, and sucked them turn and turn
about. This raised a problem which I first solved in the following
way. I had say sixteen stones, four in each of my four pockets these
being the two pockets of my trousers and the two pockets of my
greatcoat. Taking a stone from the right pocket of my greatcoat, and
putting it in my mouth, I replaced it in the right pocket of my
greatcoat by a stone from the right pocket of my trousers, which I
replaced by a stone from the left pocket of my trousers, which I
replaced by a stone from the left pocket of my greatcoat, which I
replaced by the stone which was in my mouth, as soon as I had
finished sucking it. Thus there were still four stones in each of my
four pockets, but not quite the same stones. And when the desire to
suck took hold of me again, I drew again on the right pocket of my
greatcoat, certain of not taking the same stone as the last time.
And while I sucked it I rearranged the other stones in the way I
have just described. And so on. But this solution did not satisfy me
fully. For it did not escape me that, by an extraordinary hazard, the
four stones circulating thus might always be the same four. In which
case, far from sucking the sixteen stones turn and turn about, I was
really only sucking four, always the same, turn and turn about.
… I felt the weight of the stones dragging me now to one side, now to the other.
There was something more than a principle I abandoned, when I
abandoned the equal distribution, it was a bodily need. But to suck
the stones in the way I have described, not haphazard, but with
method, was also I think a bodily need. Here then were two
incompatible bodily needs, at loggerheads. Such things happen. But
deep down I didn’t give a tinker’s curse about being off my
balance, dragged to the right hand and the left, backwards and
forewards. And deep down it was all the same to me whether I sucked
a different stone each time or always the same stone, until the end
of time. For they all tasted exactly the same. And if I had
collected sixteen, it was not in order to ballast myself in such and
such a way, or to suck them turn about, but simply to have a little
store, so as never to be without. But deep down I didn’t give a
fiddler’s curse about being without, when they were all gone they
would be all gone, I wouldn’t be any the worse off, or hardly any.
And the solution to which I rallied in the end was to throw away all
the stones but one, which I kept now in one pocket, now in another,
and which of course I soon lost, or threw away, or gave away, or
– Samuel Beckett
I’ve been too busy lately to talk to myself, and I remembered in the cab back home from work after 11 hours of indesign slavery that I have a blog I can use as a platform (I also just paid 13$ to renew the domain so I need to use it!) so here goes nothing:
The idea of almost 10.000 people on instagram and ridicules 90.000 people on twitter get to see snippets from my life is really annoying me, I hope young girls back home don’t think I’m living the life from social media! I guess that’s what I’m trying to do unconsciously, and thats why I’m gonna try to be more personal in general.
(there’s also an 80% possibility that no one really gives a shit)
It’s going to be almost a year since the last time I saw my family, I miss them to death. but its been a great trip so far living in London, I changed alot to a much better person. I’m more open to people, not afraid of being kind and giving, I also know that I was handling my money like a fucking retard when I was back home.
Not sure if I can say “I’ve seen so much!” I’m mostly tired and anxious. I can say with confidence though that unfortunately I think what I’ve been doing in the past few years which is keeping away from people wasn’t the wrong decision. people are exhausting and needy and weird and say things they don’t live up to. I’ll be in peace with the fact that I can count my close friends in 5 seconds from now on.
Another thing I learned is that my writing skills are shit including this post and the 4000 words essay I wrote last year for school, Emma said I didn’t have one full sentence in there, I realise now when they said write it in a personal way they didn’t mean write it like you’re writing a crappy blog post. alot of people envy me for doing my masters without a bachelor degree, it really is a curse!
What else.. thought I had more interesting things to mention. guess not.
Oh I caught a very mild English accent, I say babe occasiounly and end texts with xx
this is an episode from a show I think everyone (especially saudis) need to watch, there’s alot about the desert we live in that we never learnt in school.
I might be sharing this because Laila is mo mother’s name, but another important reason is that throughout our history the Arabian woman was a very strong one. even as a wife, she was a woman that gave everyone around her strength and pride, she was a doctor, poet, historian, politician, scientist and an idol.
the fact that this is not a subject talked about in our books that often doesn’t mean it’s because it doesn’t exist, it means that not enough people tried to look it up and educate others about it.
I have seen people who are stuck on their perception of what tradition is, I believe it is vital to understand the source of things and to respect them, no doubt! the aesthetics and rules of islamic art are from nature which makes them quite difficult to need to change or add on, it’s sums it up. but the outcome of it hasn’t changed much for quite a long time man! and I don’t know if the people who used a compass and ruler to unfold the geometry behind things and then make mesmerising art using that structure were planning on making this last as it is for ever.
إقتباس ـــــــــــ ثروت عكاشه
“ولا يكاد الزائر يدلف إلى داخل ضريح السلطان قلاوون بالقاهرة حتى تحجبه عن العالم الجدران السميكه لا تنفذ منها نأمة، فيلفّه السكون الهامد وتغمره الظلال وتتسلل إليه أشعة خابية من خلال نوافذ الزجاج المعشّق الملون، وقد أحاطت به أعمدة عملاقة، فيحتضنه الجلاء والعتمة معاً، ويغلبه شعور بأنه في عالم موهوم ينتظر فيه بدء طقوس وشعائر غامضة. ولست أشك في أن كثرة ممن يزورون هذا الضريح يقعون أسرى شعور غامر بالورع، تبهرهم السكينه وتشدّهم الظلال وينتشون بالأنسام النديّة التي تحمل معها أبعاد الزمن فيستغرقون في التأمل، ثم ما يلبثوا أن يطلقوا صرخة سانت إكزوپري: “ها هو ذا جوهر الإنسان.. الروح” أي جلاء.. حين يقف الإنسان في مكان يواجهه فيه جوهر الإنسان! إن المرء ما يكاد يعتاد العتمة حتى يتجلى أمام عينه عالم سحري من الزخارف، عالم جيّاش بسورة الإفراط في الزخارف الهندسية يحمل من يعايش وجدانياً على أثير الخيال الجامح، ويستسقظ في نفسه إحساس شاعري يثير ذكريات حنين باطنة.”
“ما أخال شيئًا يمكن أن يجرد الحياة من ثوبها الظاهر وينقلنا إلى مضمونها الدفين مثل التشكيلات الهندسيه للزخارف الإسلاميه.
فليست هذه التشكيلات سوى ثمرة لتفكير رياضي قائم على حساب دقيق قد يتحول إلى نوع من الرسوم البيانيه لأفكار فلسفية ومعانٍ روحيه، غير أنه ينبغي ألا يفوتنا أنه خلال هذا الإطار التجريدي تنطلق حياة متدفقه عبر الخطوط فتؤلف بينها تكوينات تتكاثر وتتزايد، متفرقة مره ومجتمعة مرات، وكأن هناك روحاً هائمه هي التي تمزج تلك التكوينات وتباعد بينها ثم تجمعها من جديد، فكل تكوين منها يصلح لأكثر من تأويل يتوقف على ما يصوب عليه المرء نظره وما يتأمل منها. وجميعها تخفي وتكشف في آن واحد عن سر ما تتضمنه من إمكانات وطاقات بلا حدود”- هنري فوسيون